Last night, someone chat me on Line, he criticized my plan around 2016, and said: YOU ARE SELFISH!

I just stare on my smartphone while he explain me anything about his opinion on me, I admit, I have dirty soul!

I want to have anything, I want to be a winner, I want to make all my dream come true, I want to be the best one,  I want I want I want these and I want those (kayak doraemon ._.), and all for myself.

It’s like a bomb for me to awake from my consciousness and gaze my past with strange paradigm to always be ‘someone’. I am someone who wants to be heard and pride.  I just forgot about what’s human being, why human being. I forgot the reality.

“And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me” (Adz-Dzariyat: 56)

Human were born to worship their Creator, Allah SWT. Human are nothing without their God whom has intend to alive human in this earth. It’s big obligation for me to obey and worship Allah more than everything. Without Him, I am nothing. So, how I want to be someone for my selfishness while I forgot what actually I am here as the one who needs His blessings to alive, It’s the time for me to return me back to Fitrah (nature).

As an essence of nobody which my lecturer told in her blog (you can see here), I have thrown my soul to grey way and awake from darkness mind as a selfish. I perceive what I did for long time just bring me to ‘someone’ which never think about what my duty in this earth. Yes I must do my duty as a praise to live here, I was born not to sleep and enjoy this world until my death comes, but to drive the big responsibility as a khalifah, Khalifatullah Fil Arldh.

And when your Lord said to the angels, “Verily I am going to make in the earth a vicegerent”; they said: “wilt thou place in it such as shall make mischief in it and shed blood while we celebrate Thy praise and extol Thy holiness?” He said: “Surely I know what you do not know” (Al-Baqarah:30).

I have big amanah from Allah to keep this earth on balance, in prosperous, in its nature.  Allah wants me to drive all my responsibility but I don’t even do anything for its. As my professor  (Prof. Iwan Triyuwono)said, human needs an instrument to drive their duty in this life. As a leader needs way to be able leading well, it’s same for us as a Khalifatullah Fil Arldh needs a way, real plan, real action for leading this earth and keeping it in its nature.

What’s my instrument?

I never think about that, I never think how I can carry on my amanah as a human. Don’t you think that I am so selfish? I’m selfish, yes I admit, FORGIVE ME YAA RABB!

I don’t even write my duty as Your Servant in my plan in this year. I won’t perceive it if no one blames my way, I praise to have ever acquainted with people who has high consciousness in worshipping you perfectly. Now I decide to do something which I hope this will be my instrument to reach Your blessings and be the good servant in serving you perfectly. I’m nothing without Your Blessings.

It comes to my new consciousness which I want to back my past when I want to be a nuclear expert to make Islam in its glory. I want to uphold my high spirit to glorify Islam by science. I want to be Islamic scientist whom has contribution for all in the world. I want to make all human in the world know that Islam is not religion with stupidity and backwardness (as Muhammad Baqir Ash-Shadr defines the meaning of Jihad nowadays), Islam is the real religion which directs its followers to be big thinking person.  I want to serve Allah by performing what He said in Al-Qur’an to think about what He has created (Al- Baqarah:164).  

Bismillah, with my choice in learning Sharia Accounting and care about environment by constructing a paradigm to have real action to save environment, it will be one of the way for me to reach His Ridho.

I still have shallow thought to serve You perfectly yaa Allah. Let you direct me to the way which always brings me the rightest way to make me as a real human.

Thanks to everyone who has made me perceived

In Gondanglegi at dawn time,

S.