Living in a patriarchal society is the fact that I pride and regret. Being protected and cannot grow independently. However I want to be independent for some reason

 

Boy is always counted as the better one. Boy is born as a person in charge to every girl in this world. Even it’s in Indonesia or wherever, you will find the fact. Girl is always protected due to her weakness. Girl may not go out of home as they like. Rule, Regulation, girl has them more than boy, needless to mention one by one, you will sure about it.

I guess the case that I want to tell you will restrict only to my environment because I live in religious environment and come from venerated scholar family. Girl and boy are differentiated. It’s taboo to meet a boy in our eyes. We have single sex school and surely live in the boarding school which we never meet a boy at once. There will be no interaction between girl and boy, for social orientation until talk about study etc. And finally girl is only a tribute for boy in the end of the day (married). After that, girl will always still face its restricted environment.

They may not go to work. Girl is only permitted to make her face up to present good looking to her husband, birth the baby which it means girl satisfy the biological need of the boy, and cooking every day and organize house stuff. Hmm those activity in Javanese derives the term 3M for a female: Macak (make up), Manak (have birth a child), and Masak (cooking).

Someone will feel that it’s only happened in R.A Kartini era. Yes they’re right, the different thing is located in our education which has been existing in recent situation even interaction is still limited because that single sex school. However I pride to make my gender in my environment has achieved their need of education. 

Even I am one of the society that live in that village with super patriarchal system, I don’t take any part of them because my family make me spend my childhood in capital city of Indonesia which the boundaries has disappear in capital city social intercourse. However I still face the fact which I have great control that’s made by my parents until I go to university. I may not ride motorcycle by myself. I may not go anywhere out of maghrib with my friend. I may not have a friend much with a boy instead bringing the boy come to my house. I praise some boundaries tried to turn down in my life, every restriction to do interaction with a boy is about boundaries around religion which extremely need to be obeyed. However I am still protected for insecurity even though I want to be dependent. Yes I have won in some case toward girl in my environment to get interaction and education as high as I can. But I still have problem and it’s important to be counted. Hmm some of husband will forbide his wife to work. 

Now I don’t talk in my limited environment but it’s about whole world which make husband will have strictly rule in permitting the wife go to work. A man in this life, not to mention, in some region or racial will have a paradigm to make the wife not going to work. It’s caused of some feeling of man that man has capacity to fulfill the financial need of his wife and children so wife may not go to work to find money. Some husband is offended if his wife searches money by herself. And  part of husband will afraid if his wife can generate money more than him. Those are some why reason wife must be housewife.

Here, I surely want to oppose the idea of husband that forbids his wife being a carrier woman for all the reason. I want to emphasize that going to work for me is not about searching money as much as possible. I don’t have any intention to compete with my husband in the future about how much money that I could generate by my hand. It also doesn’t  mean that I want to oppress my husband because I can save money more than him. No! Not for those stereotype!

I am here going to get higher education means that I want to search knowledge as much as possible because my religion suggests every people to get knowledge, limitless for girl and boy (as my quote in the right of this blog). Not stop until that point, I also want to give beneficial for all people in my surrounding. I want to make my knowledge which I have dug for many years and put effort to delight my parents by lot of achievement will bring me to people that able to spread beneficial by it. So how if I’ll be housewife later and not develop my knowledge in the real world as my dream since I was child?

The idea to limit the movement of woman to be a carrier woman is a big wound for me. I have not married yet for now but I worry if some man did the case to me later. I heard the case recently and see the fact which occurs to some woman in my surrounding. I don’t want it happen to me, really.

It’s like a hell to study more in my program until get title as a bachelor and also put big effort to catch a lot of trophy since in my high school but finally I must stay in my house and forget every knowledge that I pursue. It’s also be a bargaining power for me if I have a job and able to search money by my own way. It means that I don’t need to ask money to my husband for giving money to my parent in making them happy and life in welfare.The most important is that I have a power to finance my life and children when he will leave me out when he die (jangan tinggalin saya dulu bang tapi) because I have habituation to generate money for my life. Yes however I need money to give me a bargaining power when he dishonest to me (please yang ini naudzubillah tertimpa sama aku, jangan gituin saya ya bang , love you :(((( )

Yes I want to get my right better than before. I am grateful to have a right getting education as high as possible and go out from my village and able to have a partner with boy. However I still want to take more right by opposing some idea which I think not relevant to be implemented in this life for now. Maybe you will call me as a part of feminist that sue a lot of right woman whom we think we are discriminated. But hey, I only want this additional right for being functional woman in his world. 

I don’t force to make everyone legalize woman topless in media. I don’t force world to make  me can abort baby in my womb and also smoke when I get pregnancy under a reason of body autonomy right. I also don’t have desire to make man live in house while I pursue my carrier.  I don’t even want to degrade man dignity for importance of my gender. I am not radical feminist. Seriously.

I cannot deny taking after my children by myself is important. Because children need to get high treatment by giving them love and teach them with every value which prevails in this world. It also seems better to serve our dinner by my hand. My heart wants to do that but my brain flies me to an idea being a carrier woman indeed.

I want to achieve my dream to be a lecturer. I want it. Please hear me my future husband and also every boy who marry with educated woman. I believe that I myself can organize my time between my carrier and about house stuff. I will go to work meanwhile my children go to school or will be taken after by baby sitter on half day because I need to go to campus for teaching. I will still cook for my husband. But let me allow not to clean my house and give it to a servant, my dearest.

I surely believe it will run well between my carrier and house stuff. I will not get job in office which force me going to work from 8 a.m to 8 p.m every day. No I don’t. Ah I wish to meet you, my husband who understand my want. Believe me, I will make you and our children happy.

Only strive my right, not to wrest my tribute to you and all man in this world.

Little feminist,

Sintia