Last night, someone chat me on Line, he criticized my plan around 2016, and said: YOU ARE SELFISH!

I just stare on my smartphone while he explain me anything about his opinion on me, I admit, I have dirty soul!

I want to have anything, I want to be a winner, I want to make all my dream come true, I want to be the best one,  I want I want I want these and I want those (kayak doraemon ._.), and all for myself.

It’s like a bomb for me to awake from my consciousness and gaze my past with strange paradigm to always be ‘someone’. I am someone who wants to be heard and pride.  I just forgot about what’s human being, why human being. I forgot the reality.

“And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me” (Adz-Dzariyat: 56)

Human were born to worship their Creator, Allah SWT. Human are nothing without their God whom has intend to alive human in this earth. It’s big obligation for me to obey and worship Allah more than everything. Without Him, I am nothing. So, how I want to be someone for my selfishness while I forgot what actually I am here as the one who needs His blessings to alive, It’s the time for me to return me back to Fitrah (nature).

As an essence of nobody which my lecturer told in her blog (you can see here), I have thrown my soul to grey way and awake from darkness mind as a selfish. I perceive what I did for long time just bring me to ‘someone’ which never think about what my duty in this earth. Yes I must do my duty as a praise to live here, I was born not to sleep and enjoy this world until my death comes, but to drive the big responsibility as a khalifah, Khalifatullah Fil Arldh.

And when your Lord said to the angels, “Verily I am going to make in the earth a vicegerent”; they said: “wilt thou place in it such as shall make mischief in it and shed blood while we celebrate Thy praise and extol Thy holiness?” He said: “Surely I know what you do not know” (Al-Baqarah:30).

I have big amanah from Allah to keep this earth on balance, in prosperous, in its nature.  Allah wants me to drive all my responsibility but I don’t even do anything for its. As my professor  (Prof. Iwan Triyuwono)said, human needs an instrument to drive their duty in this life. As a leader needs way to be able leading well, it’s same for us as a Khalifatullah Fil Arldh needs a way, real plan, real action for leading this earth and keeping it in its nature.

What’s my instrument?

I never think about that, I never think how I can carry on my amanah as a human. Don’t you think that I am so selfish? I’m selfish, yes I admit, FORGIVE ME YAA RABB!

I don’t even write my duty as Your Servant in my plan in this year. I won’t perceive it if no one blames my way, I praise to have ever acquainted with people who has high consciousness in worshipping you perfectly. Now I decide to do something which I hope this will be my instrument to reach Your blessings and be the good servant in serving you perfectly. I’m nothing without Your Blessings.

It comes to my new consciousness which I want to back my past when I want to be a nuclear expert to make Islam in its glory. I want to uphold my high spirit to glorify Islam by science. I want to be Islamic scientist whom has contribution for all in the world. I want to make all human in the world know that Islam is not religion with stupidity and backwardness (as Muhammad Baqir Ash-Shadr defines the meaning of Jihad nowadays), Islam is the real religion which directs its followers to be big thinking person.  I want to serve Allah by performing what He said in Al-Qur’an to think about what He has created (Al- Baqarah:164).  

Bismillah, with my choice in learning Sharia Accounting and care about environment by constructing a paradigm to have real action to save environment, it will be one of the way for me to reach His Ridho.

I still have shallow thought to serve You perfectly yaa Allah. Let you direct me to the way which always brings me the rightest way to make me as a real human.

Thanks to everyone who has made me perceived

In Gondanglegi at dawn time,

S. 

Must be well prepared to face 2016 in doing all process and get satisfied result in the end of year. Regret is not legitimate to come again in my life, instead I regret due to trespassing the plan I make in the beginning of year. OHHHH I’M SURE IT WILL IMPOSIBLE TO COME. Aamiin :’)

Let I think deeply and write my plan one by one meanwhile reading Bismillah, wish Allah helps me to reach all plan I made :))

Overall, I expect much for the successive of my plan in this year. Even I just late to post the plan but it doesn’t mean failure of my plan in the year.

Good bye for the evaluation in the end of the year with every success news :))

Hello 2016!

I don’t know why I don’t have eagerness to evaluate my 2015 and tell the resolution on 2015 immediately in the last day of 2015 as usual. For your information, as a student of Brawijaya University, I face my final test in odd semester appropriately in the initial date of 2016. I made my 31^st December as quiet week whom it’s the time for me to finish my ‘take home’ assignment and review all material to break my test.

Initiate with the evaluation of 2015,

I cannot say that I had passed all the day perfectly. I did wasting activity which supposed to be productive as well. I less reading book outside my college reference. Moreover, I did not succeed to read all those reference books in my odd semester because of my business as a member of many organization which I could not control. I’ve failed to make a plan regarding reading a meaningful non-fiction book for more.

Besides, I got really fail in writing productively as much as possible in my blog both blog UB and this lovely blog. I exactly did the failure in odd semester again and again. I less thought critically and created the spectacular posts on blogger. It’s hard to evaluate about what I did along the year until my productivity flew away.

For my achievement, my GPA could not reach perfectly on both semesters. I got perfect for my even semester and nearly got perfect for the odd semester of my 1^st year college. I joined a lot of competition by the year and tried joining international competition, from all endeavor, I have not gotten anything as a result. I cannot blame them because I got problematic in doing the process to do them. Yaaa it must be the biggest homework for me to improve the process for highest result that I’ll achieve.

Then…

Alhamdulillah, 2015 brings my new experience as researcher after I got special occasion to join research project with lecturer. The project is doing the qualitative research under the umbrella research about “Akuntansi Gula”. I took research about interpreting prosperity under the sugarcane farmer perspective in my village which has widely field for sugarcane. Wearing etnomethodology, I start to be near with the real academician world which I want to reach it for along.

In the spirituality affair, shameful is the point. I’m sure that I often leave tahajud and puasa senin-kamis under the reason of exhausted and getting illness. I don’t know what I had thought by the time until leaving my obligation. Oh mine, remember me for this!

AAAAARRGGHH!!!!

“Regret always places in the end”

The statement is really suitable with me who has wasted potential time for unimportance. However it’s the proud year because it’s my first year which able to make me and my boyfriend love each other during all around day in 2015 hahaha bismillah for next countless moment yaaa. Bismillah for my productivity in the year and wish me luck!!!!!!!!

A regretful girl,

S.