I defined 2022 as a 'beginning'...

Beginning life of my lovely first daughter

Beginning life of my new role as a mother

Beginning life of my soul that should leave my lovely professional job

Beginning life of my step to reach my dream as an academician

Those words had summarized how my 2022 was going.

Happy. Excited. Tired.

***

January

I started my 2022 by leaving home early as kak Irfan asked me to visit one of flower garden in neighborhood city. I was in my third trimester of pregnancy, feeling heavy to lift my body. 

January 2022 became the last month of my career as an accounting consultant whom I just started it few months back after finishing my masters degree. I was sad at the moment thinking to leave job that I found it nice for me who love curiosity.

I do not want to say that the baby in my belly asked me to resign from my lovely job. Life after having family makes your decision driven by many factors. As we have been comfortable enough living in Malang and I want to have successful exclusive breastfeeding for my baby, leaving the company would be the best for me and my family.

It sounds like I gave up my career, but I did never think that.

I worked until two weeks before the expected due date of my baby. Tight schedule though, but I found it is better for me to wait for the labor while working so it could make me more calm facing the due date.

Do not ask me what I feel working with a big belly! It was heavy and exhausting.

I am quite lucky to be able to work from my home in Malang. Anytime I could have a rest, I would love to do it. I almost lay in bed for a few minutes in between hours of meeting with clients.

February

My baby expected due date will be 22/2/2022. What a nice date (but my baby was born a day earlier :D)!

February 4th became my last day. I was considering to enjoy my last phase of pregnancy after many days busy with clients' work. But unfortunately, I and kak Irfan got infected Covid-19 omicron variant.

My intention to enjoy every minute of my final stage of pregnancy was changing to the saddest moment thinking about the condition of my baby inside my belly and how the labor will go as a Covid-19 patient.

"For indeed, with hardship (will be) ease" (QS. 94:5)

Nothing impossible for Allah to ease me in that situation. Finally, on 21/2/2022, I could deliver my lovely daughter to the world safely and sound.

Alhamdulillah

Day to Day as a Mom

Starting my day as a new mom was a very unique experience. If I said pregnancy was hard, childrearing baby is way more challenging than ever.

Fortunately, I decided to live in my mom's house in the 3 first month after delivery, so I am just focusing on my baby, and my mom helps me with every stuff about the house. 

Every day is learning. I learn many things from my baby. She taught me how to be a better mom.

Learning is difficult, thus childrearing baby is hard too.

But this is the step I took to be a mom (and God's will for sure), thus I know that every tiring day as a mom would definitely become a great thing.

Stay-at-Home Mom for 6 months

I was thinking to pause my career until Najwa reach 2 years old. I planned to start over all my career journey after I think Najwa could get her perfect first 1000 days with me.

However, kak Irfan did not support my intention to become a stay-at-home mom for so long. He asked me to find a job that I like so it gonna be better for me to actualize myself.

As I want to be a lecturer, I began submitting application letters to many universities. No answers.

I almost give up and think that God wants me to focus on becoming a stay-at-home mom. I even question myself, do I deserve to be an academician? Why does my way seem so steep to be passed?

One university answered and did interview me, but they did ghosting me then. While the other university just keeps silent.

Finally, I receive an offer to be an adjunct lecturer. Unfortunately, I received the offer, not because of my great background, but my dad asked his friend who has a high position in the university to make me able to receive the position. To be honest, I am embarrassed by such kind of way, but I do not have another option.

At that moment, I cursed my dream why I want to be a lecturer in Indonesia. The way to be there is very difficult and almost impossible to achieve. The problem is not about my capacity, but the system complicates it.

Adjunct Lecturer Position from 'The Sky'

I nod to the offer to become an adjunct lecturer. I got offered to teach mathematics for business. A subject that I do not understand.

Do not ask me again why I can get the position to teach a subject that I do not understand?

Yes. The offer comes from 'the sky'. 

To be honest, I just wanna escape from home. At that time, I start boring to fully stay-at-home.

Even receiving the position just makes me more tired. But at least, as kak Irfan said earlier, it can increase my happiness since I can actualize myself to study and teach again, while childrearing our baby.

The 'Real' Offer to be Lecturer Comes

One university that ghosts me earlier comes again a few months after.

The human resources staff contact me, apologize for ghosting and ask me whether I would continue the hiring process. I almost refuse the offer as that university is located in the other city. 

But whenever I would step down the stairs to reach my dream. Once again, kak Irfan comes and support me to continue the hiring process. He did not like my position as an adjunct lecturer that I received before. He doubt my future if I stayed there. 

To be honest, I am okay with my career. I was just happy to have the opportunity in doing self-actualization. Not thinking of accelerating my career to some certain point.

Then I follow the other 3 stages of the hiring process. And finally, I could reserve a tenured position as a lecturer at the most prestigious private university in East Java.

We move to Surabaya.

***

Life always tells a good story.

This year, I do not make any life resolutions because I am clueless about life.

But when I write this blog telling my summary of life, I find Allah creates a nice path for my path, and He will always do it. Alhamdulillah.